Downward Spiral
by SeaSpectre160
Summary: After the death of his other half, Will can only watch as his friend falls into a pit of grief, depression, and uncontainable fury with no end in sight. WARNING: NOT A HAPPY ENDING! Post ROTF. Not part of the Ties That Bind AU.


**Hello, and here's my very first Transformers fic. I've got two longer ones in the works, but they won't be out for a long time (probably a couple years), so for now I give you this one short piece. The plot bunny randomly bit me, and it wouldn't let got until I had it down on paper. Geez, plot bunnies are the most vicious bunnies out there - I had two rabbits, and they were never mean to me!**

**I should warn you, this is a very dark fic. If you want a happy ending, too effing bad. You want dark, worst-case scenario, you got it.**

**So yeah, movieverse with some G1 elements (though I haven't actually seen more than ten seconds of that show). Also, the Decepticon Knockout I got from TF: Prime. He also appears as the villain in one of my upcoming fics, but don't hold your breath for that. It likely be a year or two before that comes out (I've got A LOT of other fics on hold before it), and the average human being can only hold their breath for at most two minutes. And I mean ACTUALLY holding your breath, not breathing through your nose the whole time!**

**This fic has been inspired by several others, mainly 'Sunrise' by Zea T and 'What We Become' by Leonixon. Those are both fics that if you like this one, then I highly recommend reading these ones. I am one of the many fans who was disappointed by the lack of Sunstreaker in the films. One thing I've noticed is that most authors go with one of two explanations: 1) Sunstreaker is dead or 2) Sunstreaker and Sideswipe got separated, but he's coming. I've combined both. I also wanted a human's take on this, to see how the twins' relationship from the point of view of someone who hasn't seen the two together before.**

**Anyway, insert disclaimer: I don't own the Transformers; Hasbro I think owns the franchise and the films go to Bay and Spielberg.**

**But I DO own Aisha Epps, who is very briefly mentioned here and will also be a character in the same fic as Knockout.**

**Also, I advise tissues.**

**Summary: After the death of his other half, Will can only watch as his friend falls into a pit of grief, depression, and uncontainable fury with no end in sight. Rated T for death and violence.**

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><p>It happened in a split second. One moment, he was laughing with me and Epps about the twins' latest antics, the next, he was on the floor, clutching his chest and howling in an undescribable mix of sorrow and agony. We humans were at a loss to explain what was going on, but all the 'Bots reacted instantly.<p>

Ratchet and Jolt urgently picked him up and carried him, now silent and limp, to the Med Bay. Ironhide and Optimus Prime bowed their heads in clear mourning. Arcee and her sisters gasped and embraced each other, frames shaking, while the twins just stood sisde-by-side and stared in shock at where he'd collapsed.

Sunstreaker. I'd never heard of him until that day. When I asked what the hell had just happened, all I got was that this unknown bot was now dead somewhere out there. How that related to Sideswipe's sudden breakdown, I didn't know.

I went to the Med Bay and saw him on a berth, curled up in the fetal position and mumbling the same thing over and over again in Cybertronian. Jolt was no longer there, but Ratchet was standing over him. I hadn't seen that look since the aftermath of Mission City, as he'd held a half of Jazz's lifeless body in each hand, knowing that there was no saving his friend.

The warrior who'd taken down Sideways in less than ten seconds had broken, and I'll admit, that scared me more than anything I'd ever faced. He'd seen millenia of war, and still managed to laugh and joke, but now he just stared straight forward like he wasn't seeing what was in front of him, his faceplates arranged in a tortured expression and staying that way.

It wasn't until an hour later that I finally got an explanation, and from the twins, no less. Or rather, Mudflap and Skids. There was another set of twins to refer to now, but only in the past tense. Sideswipe's other half was gone, extinguished forever, and that was what had crippled him. His half of their shared spark was starting to go out as well, according to Ratchet. We were losing two Autobots in one day.

In a way, we didn't, but in a way, we still did. Sideswipe survived physically, but the personable, friendly mech we knew was gone. He refused to speak or smile, and Ironhide soon informed me that he'd gone silent on the comms as well. I've only heard him speak three times since then, and it's been several years. He spent all his time either in the intense training simulators or in recharge after his body decided it couldn't take the prolonged abuse anymore. If we were called out he was often the first to strike at whatever 'Con we were facing as soon as he saw the sorry son of a glitch, and the last to stand down, making sure to stab its Spark Chamber a good half-dozen times to be sure it was dead. When he got hurt (which was often since he'd stopped caring about watching his own back), the first order of business was to sedate him and/or strap him down, because he just wanted to obliterate more training drones, regardless of his injuries.

The Epps kids never saw him again. He was no longer coming over to their house on his off time and entertaining them with his wild stories about pre-war Cybertron, or the pranks he and his brother pulled, or something called 'Jet Judo'. It kind of surprised me when I found out that thirteen-year-old Aisha and her little brothers and sisters had known about Sunstreaker and their father and I hadn't. They took his death almost as hard as the other Autobots, and my best friend slash right hand man often reported that they were asking him to ask Sides to come back and visit so they could try and help him feel better. But the silver frontliner never responded to their delivered pleas. No even a 'No', just silence, not even acknowleging the numerous requests.

I wish I could say he recovered, but he didn't. He just got worse.

He grew noticably more angry and violent with each passing week. We quickly ran out of training drones, so he was often sedated to keep from destroying anything else. When Ironhide tried to stop him from walking out of the Med Bay with only one arm, he went ballistic. It took all three of them - Ratchet, Jolt, and Ironhide - to get him strapped onto a berth, and even then, he didn't stop thrashing around until he was put under again.

There **were** days when his behaviour did an abrupt turn, and he reverted back to his passively depressed state, only now he was in a lot more obvious physical pain. His moans of agony and occasional sobs were the only things we got out of him when he was like that. It was the only time that he didn't have to be strapped down (he was too weak and in too much pain to move) and that he actually **let** Ratchet stick the needle in him, but only for painkillers. He couldn't be completely sedated. Ratchet explained to me that his spark was weakening; if he slipped into stasis, there was a chance he might never wake up.

One time Sidewipe had desperately tried to grab for more sedative anyway - thankfully Jolt had stopped him - and we'd immediately put him on suicide watch.

That was when I realized why he was charging headfirst into battle so recklessly. He wanted to kill as many Decepticons he could get his hands on, but he was also hoping to get killed himself.

I noticed that he was becoming what I know many politicians see the Autobots as: walking weapons to be used in war and otherwise contained. He had to be restrained to keep him from destroying needlessly, but we unleashed his fury, a raw force of devastating power, on the battlefield and bringing up his kill count considerably. I wasn't sure how to feel about that. While the increased Decepticon casualties were great, he was becoming a mindless weapon, a tool of death. He'd once been one of the more 'human' Autobots, or rather, one of those who adapted better to our illogical ways and embraced our kind as comrades and friends, but that has all died with Sunstreaker.

On top of it all, I was getting some pressure from the higher-ups about the situation. Sideswipe was almost completely disregarding protocols and disobeying direct orders to wait before attacking, and several officials felt he was a loose cannon. An impressive, weapon, but one we were losing control over. Most didn't care that he'd just lost his twin brother, though I'm sure Morshower's condolences were genuine. They were only concerned that one of alien robots was developing a significant discipline problem. I went and punched a wall after one of them suggested "putting it out of its misery". The worst part is, I actually considered it. Sideswipe had nothing but pain and anger in him now, and he wasn't getting better. His downward spiral wasn't going to stop until he died. But I refused to think about the idea for more than a couple moments. I was still clinging to the small shred of hope that time **could** heal all his wounds, or at least ease his pain somewhat and maybe bring the old Sideswipe back.

I never got to find out if that was really true. To this day, I still wonder.

About two months after Sunstreaker's death, we came across a dozen or so Decpticons hidden out in an abandoned nuclear plant. As was the new usual, Sideswipe was the first to charge in, ripping through a 'Con in less than ten seconds and moving on to the next one. That was all he did in battle nowadays. Run in, destroy, continue to the next victim. I couldn't really stand there and watch him, since I had my own job to do, but I think he'd gotten up to five kills when it happened maybe two minutes later.

He was running his blade through Number Six when another got him from behind, shooting his left shoulder joint and leaving the now useless arm dangling by a few wires. Sides took a wild swing with his other blade, but the Decepticon dodged and slammed him through a flimsy brick wall. I followed through the hole with a couple of my men.

The 'Con was giving Sides a harsh beating, his blood-red armour flashing in the moonlight as he ducked and weaved with surprising agility. I recognized him from a file of newly-arrived Decepticons that had been caught landing a month before by a tourist family on their video camera and posted on the internet. His designation was Knockout, and he was a medic with a taste for torture and an obsession with his perfect paintjob - kind of like Sunstreaker in the latter part of the description.

He was taunting Sideswipe as the pair fought. I couldn't get a clear shot; they were moving too fast, so my ally was in the way half the time. "You remind me of a 'Bot I scrapped only a few Earth months ago," he commented, "He was so easy and weak, it's hard to believe that he and his twin used to be the bane of the Seekers' existence."

Sideswipe flew into a complete rage at that, yelling and swinging like a wild animal. Jolt tried to come to his aid, but he shoved his best friend back, shouting the first coherent words I'd heard him speak since just before he'd collapsed months ago. "HE'S MINE!" That was when I figured the 'Bot that'd been referred to was Sunstreaker.

Knockout only responded by smirking and pulling a spear-like weapon out of a subspace compartment. It had a wicked-sharp, three-pronged end with arcs of electricity jumping between the tips and dancing down the shaft. It had to be one of the most beautiful and deadly non-firearm-type weapons I'd ever seen. But Sideswipe's remaining blade definitely proved to be a match as it parried the reapeated jabs and thrusts, sparks flying as they met. The downside was that the electric current was still being transferred to his body, shaking his frame and making him cry out in pain. I wished he would let Jolt take over; this was something the blue 'Bot was far more suited to withstand.

Eventually, a significant strike was landed, but it wasn't on Knockout. The 'Con was taking advantage of Sideswipe's lack of planning - his wild swinging was powerful but sporadic and not thought-out at all - and managed to stick his javelin into the Autobot's side, digging it in and twisting it as Sideswipe dropped to the ground and yelled from the pain of the thousands of volts running through his body. It was pulled it out and raised again, this time aiming for the spark. My three soliders and I all opened fire on him, but it was doing little good. Knockout snarled and swung his weapon at us, causing us all to duck. One man wasn't quite quick enough and flew through the air, his body smoking when it hit an undamaged portion of the wall several feet away and landed on the ground. The rest of us were forced to drop our weapons as the electrical discharge heated them up, burning our hands. All we could do was watch and yell for somebot to get over there - Jolt had since gotten distracted by another enemy - and **do** something while Knockout repositioned himself for the fatal strike.

But somehow Sideswipe found the strength to pick up his fallen right blade and drive it upwards, straight into the enemy's chassis. Knockout gasped in pain and no doubt surprise at this sudden turn of events, dropping his weapon.

"This is for Sunstreaker," Sideswipe hissed, pushing the blade further in. The Decepticon's red optics sputtered and went out, and he collapsed in a heap between my group and our injured friend. I personally clambered over the dark red-painted metal to get to him.

He was still lying there on his back, blue orbs staring up into the starry sky, and for a minute, I was oblivious to the rest of the chaos around me. Energon flowed freely out of his nearly-amputated arm and the gaping wound on his side. He made no move to get up and continue fighting, and it was then that I realized he was giving up. He'd taken the monster that had taken his brother, and at that point, I realized that had been his true goal. Killing as many 'Cons as possible and eventually getting slagged in battle were nothing compared to his desire for vengeance. Now that he'd achieved it, there was no more reason for him not to join Sunstreaker on the other side.

His blue optics shuttered out, and I heard his last words, whispered to the night sky. "I'm coming, brother."

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><p><strong>So, did I make you cry? I was near tears writing that last line. It's the first time I've really killed off a character that I liked that wasn't an OC meant to die. Okay, so in my Avatar Niella series I killed off some characters, but it was just some of the older ones that simply passed on in the twenty-year gap between canon and my series. This is new to me - while I torture my favourite characters, I've never killed them before.<strong>

**Oh, and in case you haven't guessed, it was all from Will's point of view.**

**Lastly, read and review please!**


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